You Gave Your Kid Social Media and Regret It. Now What?

Parenting is often a game of trial and error. That has never been more true than now, in the age of technology and social media. You may be in the same position many parents find themselves in: as a careful parent, you assessed the risks, you got your child set up on social media, but now you regret it.

Looking at the effect social media has had on your child, you may be dealing with myriad emotions and questions. Is it too late to undo the damage it has caused? Should you take your kid’s smartphone away, or delete social media now that they already have it? How will you deal with the intense pushback from your kid? 

The answers will depend on your specific situation but we can tell you that it’s never too late to help your child. Let’s talk about some approaches you might consider. 

Dangers of Social Media

Social media is a novel invention, and research on social media’s long-term effects is limited. However, experts are now confident that social media can have a “profound risk of harm to the mental health and well-being of children and adolescents.” You may have already seen such harm in your own child: social withdrawal, obsession with social media, increased anxiety, and depression.

Unfortunately, major depression in teens has increased about 150% since 2010. 2010 is a vital year for assessing the risk of social media because it’s when social media became ubiquitous, and when social media apps added features such as “like” buttons, followers, and repost options. 

If you’re seeing your child’s mental health and well-being declining because of social media, you’re not alone. No matter where you’re starting as a parent — with a child who got an Instagram last week, or a teenager who’s a TikTok expert — starting conversations now can begin the journey of safe technology use.

Getting Rid of Social Media

Taking away social media from your child can be a painful experience for you and your child. It’s difficult to know exactly how a child might respond, and after a few arguments or tantrums, you may feel tempted to give in and let your child keep social media after all. It’s vital that you ride out the transition period out of social media rather than relent!

Dr. Brene Brown, a public figure and research professor at the University of Houston, points out that parents only have to backslide and give in to their kids’ tantrums once for kids to stop trusting them and consistently push boundaries.

If parents want to see a change in their children’s social media habits, they should model healthy social media use for them! It’s difficult to trust an authority figure who says “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Your child may come up with some pretty convincing arguments in favor of social media. They may appreciate social media for connecting them with friends and family, introducing them to new perspectives, and reducing boredom. 

So before taking social media away, brainstorm some activities that can replace those benefits of social media. Plan get-togethers with family, encourage your teens to hang out with friends, help them find a part-time job or new sport, discover a creative outlet like painting or sculpting, or go on a camping trip.

Rule Setting with Teenagers

When we perceive that our child is in danger, our knee-jerk reaction is to order that behavior to stop. We attach urgency to situations that we feel demand it. And in some rare cases, mandates for behavior change are needed, such as when a teen is driving drunk or in danger of being sextorted. 

Setting rules with teens is unique. Most of the time, mandating desirable behavior is ineffective, both in the short- and long-term. Teenagers need to practice making decisions in the context of good boundaries. The teenage brain operates by taking risks based on perceived social rewards. This may explain why teenagers seem to make such irresponsible decisions for social media likes. 

Because teens have a new sense of awareness of their place in the social world, criticism will deeply affect them. As much as possible, parents should avoid being overly critical of their teenager’s decisions. Instead, move on by setting healthy boundaries and being encouraging. 

Parents need to find the balance between giving teenagers healthy boundaries and being flexible to their changing psychology. While teens are building confidence and competence in decision-making, they must be part of the rule-setting process. 

This tool can help you create a social media plan for the family. Teens could also help plan screen-time alternatives like family outings and activities. 

Keeping Kids Off Social Media

If you’ve decided to get your child off of social media, make sure that you delete their social media accounts, not just their app. Social media accounts like Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, and Facebook can all be deleted easily.

You may also consider blocking social media app downloads on your child’s device.

Replacing Social Media with Healthier Solutions

When you’re trying to find activities to replace social media at home, it’s important to consider what kids like about social media and their emotional, social, and physical needs.

Social media is often used by teenagers to feel good when they’re feeling bad. Kids are learning to cope with their emotions by not coping. They’re using social media as a distraction from difficult emotions. Practicing mindfulness and meditation as a family can create space for kids to feel their emotions safely and healthily.   

You may have given your child a social media account to save them from boredom, but studies show that boredom can help kids develop planning strategies, problem-solving skills, flexibility, and organizational skills. 

Kids may want to be on social media to connect with friends and family. While social media may seem like a great tool for connection, the research shows that using social media leads to increased feelings of isolation and separation from peers. Kids need real, face-to-face, uncurated interactions with friends and family. Connection can also be attained via technology and without social media through devices that don’t accommodate social media apps. 

Social media may also be used by teens to be more cognizant of world events and differing perspectives. News and novel experiences can be found in community and school events, through subscribing to free newsletters from reputable news outlets, and discovered at local museums and art galleries. 

Kids may want social media for the social affirmation they receive when a selfie gets more likes than usual. But kids can build confidence by trying new things and making friends. 

What did we miss? How do you handle social media at your house? Let us know in the comments!