From Toddlers to Teens: How to Talk About Healthy Tech Habits

Updated | Originally published November 21, 2024

When your children have questions, you’re on the front lines. Although you can’t possibly have all the answers, with some preparation, you can help them understand the benefits and inherent risks of technology use.

Making these discussions positive and helpful will set your child up for success and prepare them to use these platforms in safe, healthy ways. Perhaps even more importantly, it shows them they can come to you when questions or issues arise. Your kids (even the little ones) will likely see through you if you try to script these conversations, but it does help to have some key ideas in mind.

Toddlers & Tech Use: Tips for Tantrums

Although infants may be excited when they hear the Cocomelon theme song, they aren’t likely to have sincere interest in technology quite yet. By the time they reach toddlerhood, on the other hand, they may have a deeper understanding of technology than we suspect. 

The primary concern at this stage is excessive screen time so “conversations” with toddlers about tech use can be as simple as explaining that too much is not good for them. The real key is setting limits and sticking to them.

When toddlers melt down over screen time, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong — tantrums are simply how little kids express big feelings. What helps most is staying calm, consistent, and compassionate. Give your toddler a heads-up before transitions (“one more song, then we’re done”), and offer a fun alternative activity they can look forward to when the screen goes off. Having predictable tech rules and routines can reduce battles over time, but remember: no system is perfect. Some days will still be hard, and that’s okay. What matters most is that your child sees you as a safe, steady guide while they learn how to handle those big emotions.

Each family should decide their own rules but if you’re not sure where to even start, The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggests the following guidelines:

• Until 18 months of age, limit screen use to video chatting along with an adult (for example, with a parent who is out of town).
• Between 18 and 24 months screen time should be limited to watching educational programming with a caregiver.
• For children 2-5, limit non-educational screen time to about 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours on the weekend days.

Talking to School-Aged Kids About Tech

School-aged children begin learning with technology at home as well as in school. Here are some best practices and ideas for discussions regarding healthy tech habits.

Stay In The Loop

Regularly ask your kids what devices they use at school, what devices their friends have, and what apps and sites they’re using on those devices. Listen more than you instruct to set a foundation for healthy, open dialogue where your child feels like they can talk about tech without you immediately reacting emotionally. 

Be Present

One of the best things you can do at this age is model positive interactions with technology. Consider restricting device use to common areas so your kids aren’t using tech alone and can easily ask for help as they need it. 

Remember to check in with them often, and if your child needs to search for something, assist them. Model where to find information and how to deal with inappropriate media. When children inadvertently come across adult content, look at it as an opportunity to talk together. Make a plan for when it happens again, and make sure your kids feel safe telling you what they see by not blaming them or overreacting.

Set Boundaries

Limit the time spent on devices to encourage healthy habits for your child. Consider implementing practices like screen breaks every 30 minutes to promote eye and posture development. Use parental controls on apps, devices, and routers — remember that online safety is as much about who can access your kid as it is about what your kid can access online.

As you set boundaries, tailor them as much as makes sense and provide explanations. For example, if your teenager needs more screen time for homework than your 7-year-old, make that clear. Otherwise, tech boundaries will feel arbitrary and oppressive, rather than the safety net they’re intended to be.

And don’t forget to set some boundaries for the adults in the house. Kids will learn more from your actions than your words so modeling healthy tech use goes a long way.

Talking to Teens About Technology

It can be challenging to discuss a lot of things with teenagers. Tech use is pretty high on that list, especially if the discussion includes introducing limits on screen time for the first time. 

By this point, they’ve likely already developed strong opinions, and they want them to be heard. You can hear them out without letting them call the shots. The fine line between respecting their opinions and explaining the inevitable dangers they will face online is a tough one to walk. But it’s worth the effort.

Regular discussions about cyberbullying, mental health, sleep hygiene, addiction, and relationships are vital. Being transparent with your teen about these hazards will give them the knowledge they need to ultimately self-monitor their tech use in the coming years. The following information can facilitate that discussion and help begin an ongoing dialogue with your child.

And if you’ve given your child social media and regret it, all is not lost. There are ways you can still walk back that decision while building your relationship with your child.

Cyberbullying

Be on the lookout for cyberbullying. Research from the Cyberbullying Research Center found that about 30% of teens have been victims of cyberbullying, so it may be more prevalent than you realize. The permanent nature of online interactions makes cyberbullying all that more serious.

Overuse

It’s important to give teenagers increasing amounts of freedom, but without limits, they may be prone to overdoing it. And overdoing it can have dire consequences when it comes to technology. Leading tech researcher Jean Twenge found that teenagers who spend seven or more hours a day on technology are twice as likely to be diagnosed with a mental health issue as their peers who limit their use to one hour per day.

Sleep

Dr. Meg Meeker, M.D. warns of potential sleep problems, sharing that “electronic devices emit an artificial blue light that suppresses the body’s release of melatonin — our body’s sleep hormone. When this hormone isn’t released properly, it greatly affects our sleep.” 

In a previous article, we highlighted some of the negative consequences of not getting enough sleep, which include:

• Higher risks of obesity
• Decreased mental health
• Lower energy (both physical and mental)
• Suppression of teenage growth spurts
• Increase in risky behaviors 
• Incidence of drowsy driving, diminished performance in Extracurricular activities, and exacerbating sleep disorders

Tech Addiction in Young Brains

The developing brain is particularly susceptible to addiction. As one researcher explained, “Digital technology’s instant communication and information abilities give us instant gratification and we seek more and more.” He continues, “brain scans show that the brains of internet addicts look like the brains of drug and alcohol addicts.”

Let’s Parent Together

These types of conversations can be tough. But handling them with intentionality and creating an open dialogue with your child will bring you closer together and increase the likelihood that your child will come to you when facing challenges.

What has worked for you when addressing these topics with your kids? Share your experience in the comments below to help other parents navigate this tricky aspect of parenting today.