How to Talk to Your Child About…
How to Talk to Your Child About…
Smartphones offer a great deal of convenience and security for both parents and children. They allow kids to stay connected, providing parents with peace of mind knowing they can reach their child anytime, anywhere.
However, this accessibility comes with its own set of challenges and dangers, particularly through text messages. While much focus is placed on internet safety, it’s crucial to address the risks that can arise solely from texting.
This guide offers practical tips to help you navigate and discuss these sensitive issues with your child — whether they are the ones sending or receiving text messages with the following — and ensuring their safety and well-being.
Navigating tough conversations with kids about sensitive topics can be challenging. Here are three simple steps to help guide these discussions, regardless of the specific topic:
- Choose the right time and place. Find a private, comfortable moment to talk without interruptions, and when emotions are in control.
- Listen. Pay attention to what the child is saying without interrupting. Ask open-ended questions if needed.
- Express love and a desire to help. Let the child know they are loved and supported, no matter what.
Topics
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Harmful Sharing of PII (Personally Identifiable Information)
Bullying
According to Pew Research, bullying is one of parents’ top concerns today. One study found that nearly half of teens say they have been harassed or bullied online.
As a preventative measure, discuss the various forms of bullying, including cyberbullying. Help your child identify bullying behavior and understand its impact.
If your child has been bullied, or has bullied someone else online, it is important to discuss the ramifications. Ensure your child feels safe discussing bullying incidents with you, and try to listen actively and provide reassurance.
Work together to develop a plan to address bullying. This might include blocking the bully, reporting the behavior, and seeking support from school officials.
Child Exploitation
Sadly, child exploitation is rising dramatically. This includes self-generated child sexual abuse material. As it becomes more common for kids and teens to share or receive nude images, it’s crucial to understand the risks and potential consequences.
Talk with your kids about the risks of child exploitation and how predators might try to manipulate or coerce them. Obtaining nude images is a common way a predator will try to exploit a child, but it is not the only way. Reinforce the importance of not sharing personal information or engaging in inappropriate exchanges online.
If your child has been involved in any form of exploitation online, don’t panic or respond with anger. This is unlikely to help the situation and could prevent your child from being open with other online concerns in the future. Listen first and gather as much context as you can — including viewing the communications in question — so you can best understand what happened and why.
As you build a plan moving forward, keep the focus on education and recovery. They will eventually get to a point where they have full access to the digital world without your supervision so what they need most is principles that will guide them.
After an incident, keep an open line of communication about your child’s online interactions and periodically review their online activity to ensure their safety.
Child Safety & Risky Behavior
Risk is inevitable — in the real world or online — so the key for parents is trying to limit exposure to risks that a child is not yet ready to confront. Risky online behavior includes:
- Sharing too much personal information
- Sharing nude photos
- Communicating with strangers
- Engaging in dangerous social media trends
- And more
Encourage your child to talk to you about any pressures they face or risky behavior they encounter. Foster a trusting relationship where your child feels comfortable coming to you with their concerns and mistakes. Discuss various risky behaviors and their potential consequences. Use age-appropriate language and examples.
Drugs & Alcohol
Drug and alcohol use among kids and teens has been a parental concern for as long as drugs and alcohol have existed. But the online world presents some unique challenges today.
Social media platforms are now being used to facilitate the sale and delivery of drugs so this is something parents should be aware of. Kids often communicate about drugs using emojis so check out our full guide to become familiar with common drug emojis.
Prevent problems before they start by promoting healthy, drug-free lifestyles and providing alternatives for stress relief and socializing. If an online incident involving drugs and alcohol has occurred, explain the dangers of drugs and alcohol and the potential consequences of using them. Use real-life examples to illustrate your points. Personal examples can be especially helpful for kids to hear because it breaks down barriers and builds trust.
Make sure your child knows they can talk to you about peer pressure or curiosity about drugs and alcohol without fear of harsh judgment.
Harmful Sharing of PII (Personally Identifiable Information)
Many parents think of online dangers in terms of what a digital device might give their kids access to. But perhaps even more important is what online access means in terms of who now has access to your child.
Knowing what personally identifiable information (PII) is and why it’s crucial to keep it private is now an essential life skill. PII is any information that can be used to identify a person, either directly or indirectly. Some common examples include:
- Name, address, email address, phone number, etc.
- School information, including school name
- Social Security number (SSN)
- Birth date
- Passport number
- Driver’s license number
- Taxpayer identification number
- Bank account number
- Credit card number
If your child has shared any of the above information online, remove the information (where possible) and take other steps like changing passwords to accounts. Try to avoid anger as you discuss safe online practices, such as not sharing sensitive IPP online, even through DMs or text messages.
Help them learn to identify trusted sites with encryption and how to spot look-alike sites or accounts used for scams. Regularly check in on their online behavior to ensure they’re not sharing sensitive information.
Hate
Hate speech can be a subset of cyberbullying but can also be harmful even if it isn’t directed specifically at someone involved in the conversation.
Help your child understand what constitutes hate speech and why it’s harmful. Explain the impact of derogatory language on individuals and communities. Encourage empathy and respect for diversity. Discuss the importance of standing against hate and being an ally to those affected.
Model inclusive behavior and language in your interactions. Children learn a lot from observing their parents.
Profanity
Each family will have different opinions on what constitutes profanity, and their level of tolerance. Factor that in as you explain why profanity is inappropriate and help your child understand that what may be appropriate for your family might be offensive to others. Set clear expectations for respectful communication. Emphasize the importance of using language that reflects their values and respect for others.
If an incident has occurred, before reacting, try to understand the context in which the profanity was used. Ask your child about the conversation’s background and why such language was chosen.
Teach them alternative ways to express their feelings without resorting to offensive language. Encourage them to articulate their emotions more constructively.
Self Harm
Jonathan Haidt’s work on the broader decline in adolescent mental health — compiled in his book “The Anxious Generation” — highlights data showing that self harm among kids is on a steep incline. CDC data shows a 311% increase in emergency room visits for nonfatal self-harm among girls aged 10-14 since 2010 (and 171% increase for boys).
Parents should be aware of the signs, including being able to recognize common self-harm emojis, and take any indication of it seriously. When approaching the subject, do so with compassion and let your child know you’re there to support them.
If indications seem mild, start by encouraging them to express their feelings in healthier ways. If larger concerns exist, seek help from mental health professionals to provide your child with the support they need.
Sexual Advances & Grooming
Parents should first educate themselves on the signs of grooming and sexual advances. Many sexual predators follow a similar model consisting of five stages to groom their victims:
- Select victims: predators often targeting minors who bring up topics related to sex, children who seem “needy” or “submissive,” and users with sexual usernames or profile pictures
- Gain access to and isolate victims: abusers then take steps to isolate the child online through platforms with private chat.
- Develop trust: predators will prove they are likable, loving, and caring before moving to abusive behaviors.
- Desensitize victims: Groomers might discuss explicit sexual content, tell dirty jokes, share pornography, or ask about the victim’s sex life to try to desensitize kids.
- Seek to maintain control: Predators will seek information — often explicit photos — they can use to coerce a child to additional behaviors.
Let your child know it’s crucial to report any uncomfortable interactions to you or another trusted adult immediately. If you notice any red flags, address them with your child immediately.
Reinforce that their safety is your top priority but that these interactions are serious. If grooming has occurred, document any interactions (e.g. by taking screenshots of messages) before severing contact with the abuser. Report the incident to local authorities.
Ongoing conversations with your child about online safety, the dangers of interacting with strangers, and recognizing inappropriate behavior are the best protection.
Sexual Content
The sharing of sexual content via text or DM has become fairly common for teens today. Data cited by The Washington Post found, “19 percent of teens had sent a sext, 35 percent had received one and 15 percent had forwarded one without consent.”
Of course, sexuality is a complicated topic and each family is likely to have their own opinions on it. Within the context of your own family’s beliefs, discuss the importance of boundaries and consent. Explain the potential consequences of sharing or receiving sexual messages, such as sextortion, revenge porn, and even legal repercussions.
Approach the conversation calmly and without judgment. Ask open-ended questions to understand what your child knows and how they feel about the sexual content. As always, ensure your child knows they can come to you with any concerns or questions about sexual content without fear of punishment or embarrassment.
Violence
Studies have shown that exposure to violent content can lead to increased aggression, desensitization to violence, fear, and negative impacts on mental health. Teens are particularly vulnerable as they are still developing emotional regulation and critical thinking skills.
If you feel the need to discuss the sharing of violent messages or content with your child, consider the following principles:
- Empathy and Understanding: Recognize that finding violent content might be as shocking and troubling for your kid as it is for you. Approach the situation with empathy.
- Non-Judgmental Communication: Keep the conversation free from judgment. Aim to understand the context before jumping to conclusions.
- Open Dialogue: Encourage an open dialogue where your child feels comfortable sharing their perspective.
- Support and Guidance: Offer support and advice rather than punishment. Focus on guiding your kid through understanding the implications of sharing or being exposed to violent content.
- Safety and Well-Being: Prioritize your child’s safety and emotional well-being. Ensure they know you are there to help and protect them.
- Collaborative Problem-Solving: Work together with your kid to find solutions and strategies to avoid exposure to such content in the future.
By approaching the conversation with empathy, openness, and a focus on collaborative problem-solving, parents can create a supportive environment that encourages healthy communication and helps teens navigate the complexities of online interactions.
Weapons
CDC data for 2022 showed that firearms were the leading cause of death for kids aged 1-19. Talking about the dangers of weapons and ensuring any weapons in your home are securely stored and inaccessible to children could literally be a life-and-death precaution.
Dr. Kurt Bloomstrand, an emergency medicine physician, explains, “I think it is a good idea to make [weapons] part of a normal safety conversation that parents have with their children. It is important to keep the language simple when talking about gun safety to a level that kids can understand,” Dr. Bloomstrand said. “It is also important to repeat these conversations on a regular basis with kids so they remember.”
Discuss the potential danger of weapons and the need to always have an adult present before handling weapons. If a child finds, is shown, or discovers a weapon, instruct them to immediately let a trusted adult know.
If your child receives messages about access to weapons, or even a fascination with them, consider reaching out to the parents of the child who sent the message and discussing the situation. The parents may not be aware, and weapons in their house may not be secured.
In some cases, you may decide to report it to the appropriate authorities or seek professional guidance.
The Reward of Keeping Kids Safe
Discussing difficult topics like profanity, sexual content, bullying, and your child’s text messaging content can be challenging, but it is undeniably worth the effort.
These conversations not only help protect your child from potential dangers but also foster a deeper bond of trust and understanding between you. By approaching these subjects with empathy, clarity, and patience, you create an open line of communication that encourages your child to come to you with their concerns.
These discussions will also help them grow into responsible, respectful individuals. Your efforts will provide a foundation for a lifetime of open, honest dialogue.
Did we miss anything? What other tough topics would you like help with? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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