Back to School, Back to Tech: Tips for the School Year

Updated – Originally published August 20, 2021

A new school year brings a lot of change for our kids — new grades and new teachers, maybe new friends, shoes, and clothes too. I can still remember the mix of nervousness and excitement that came with each new school year. Now, as a parent, it only recently occurred to me that another big change introduced by a new school year is a change to our kids’ tech routine.

For many kids, less free time means less screen time. (Despite my best efforts, my own kids watch more of their favorite shows in the summer than I’d like.)

On the other hand, many teachers emphasize the use of technology to aid learning so a new school year could mean your child comes home with a school-issued device like a Chromebook for the first time. And, for a lot of families, a new school year represents a developmental milestone worthy of a new phone or smartwatch for their child.

Between shifting daily routines and the possibility of new tech in their hands (or in their friends’ hands), the back-to-school season makes for a natural time to talk with your kids about a safe approach to tech. Here are some ideas to keep in mind as you have those conversations.

The Right Tech at the Right Time

We’ve coined the phrase “tech in steps” as a shorthand for a good general philosophy toward your child’s introduction to the digital world. Technology isn’t evil, so the problem isn’t that it exists and the solution isn’t to keep kids away from it forever. The problem is that most technology — devices and apps — are designed for adults with drastically different emotional and mental maturity than kids. Sadly, what years of research now show is that throwing kids in the deep end of the digital pool is not a safe way to teach them to swim.

We dedicated an entire article to the question of when to get a child their first phone so here I’ll just say that it’s a big decision — one deserving of your most intentional parenting. In fact (and this might sound like hyperbole), I believe the decision on when to give a child their first phone (and what kind of phone) is one of the most impactful decisions you’ll make with your child during the ages of 8-18.

The decision you make about social media is similar, and often comes at the same time because most devices allow social media (but others don’t). We also dedicated a full article to the right time for social media, so if you’re debating this right now, I’d suggest diving in there as well.

Part of what makes decisions about phones and social media so difficult is they come with a lot of outside influence. Something we often hear from parents is that they don’t want to give their kid a full-fledged smartphone, but feel like anything else will make their kid the lonely outcast. This is hard. No use pretending it’s an easy one to solve.

All I can really offer, as both a parent and someone who has been lucky enough to focus professionally on tech safety, are two ideas:

1. If it’s a decision you’re stressed about, you’re on the right track. The only thing that I can say would be wrong for a parent to do with this decision is to not take it seriously. If you’re thinking carefully, and doing your best to learn about the risks, then trust your parental intuition.
2. You’re not the only parent feeling the pressure. Talk to other parents about your concerns, because chances are pretty good they share them. And the more parents can get on the same page, the less likely you’ll be put in a position where your kid is the only one in a friend group who is waiting for a phone or social media.

Prevention Over Damage Control 

It’s always better to avoid digital dangers than it is to fix damage that’s already been done. That doesn’t mean all hope is lost if your child sees something inappropriate online, or even if they get tangled up in something really serious like sextortion. 

It’s probably impossible for anyone to get through life in the digital age completely unscathed. How you respond to such moments with your kids could lead to a lot of growth for them and fortify their trust in you. But, still, the goal should be prevention.

Here are some quick tips for you to consider in your efforts to ease your kids into technology at the right pace:

• Master parental controls. From individual apps, to specific devices, even up to the router in your home — learn about parental controls and use the ones that make sense for your family.
• Lean into boredom. A lot of screen time (for kids and adults) is a direct response to the uncomfortable sensation of boredom. But boredom is actually beneficial. Don’t let them put the obligation for constant entertainment on you.
• Recognize red flags. This is much easier said than done (especially for hormonal teenagers). But keep an eye out for sudden behavioral changes — suddenly spending more time online, frantically switching screens or avoiding questions, demonstrating knowledge about sex that is too advanced for their age, or withdrawing from friendships for seemingly no reason.
• Know their apps. Most problems your child confronts online will occur within a specific app. Stay informed about what apps are riskier than others, and what app features to be aware of.
• Create space for unstructured time. Extracurricular activities are an important part of a healthy childhood but don’t feel pressure to have every minute of the day scheduled for your kid. Kids and teens benefit in big ways when given blocks of unstructured time.
• Talk tech often. What’s going on in your child’s digital world needs to be an open topic of conversation. Creating an honest, trusting conversational environment with your kids might very well be the closest thing to a silver bullet for tech safety. Like anything else, the more you practice, the better you get. Our conversation guide for various tech topics can serve as a good resource too.

Tech Parenting Doesn’t Allow for Auto-pilot

Every kid is different. Just as it is with parenting in general, there are some good tools and good tips out there, but no one can tell you precisely how to safely guide your child through the digital world. And precision isn’t really a realistic expectation anyway. You’ll make some mistakes and so will they. 

So as a new school year kicks off, take a moment to consider where your child is in their tech journey and how you can show up for them this year. They don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be committed to joining them every step of the way.

What helps you manage screen time during the school year? Share what works for you in the comments below!